Statement of Intent: Learner's Response

Feedback:

• This is a great concept with some absolutely superb discussion. The vast majority of the writing is in itself top-level but you are stuck on the level below due to the length (overlong) and lack of organisation and clarity.
• Perhaps use bullet points, subheadings or similar to organise your ideas into sections and also cut the word count? It’s just a massive lump of text currently!
• You need a brief summary at the beginning of the basics of your show – title, narrative summary/log line etc. You’ll have done this already on the TV drama pitch document.
• In the statement as a whole, you address the key concepts very impressively – language, representation and audience are all covered in detail. The issue is organisation and word count – could you divide into sections and perhaps use bullet points in places to cut the word count?
• One comment on audience – your initial discussions of audience do not feel like they meet the ‘family audience’ specification of the brief so perhaps look at this. I think you need to make the family element clearer both in terms of how your concept matches the genre and also the family target audience.
• You are missing one element in the statement of intent mark scheme – digital convergence. You need to cut down rather than add but could you add something about using social media to develop some of the issues you discuss?
• Culture magazine planning is excellent but perhaps needs organising into one section? However, it is fine to make references to it in other areas of the statement.

Three Improvements

• Lower the word count- cut out parts that are irrelevant
• Restructure! Add subtitles and bullet point key aspects
• Add a few sentences concerning digital convergence - Youtube, #'s, Spotify